EEDU Blog: 博客 ·  资讯 ·  论坛 ·  留言
登录 新用户? 注册   |  

秋水縠纹

订阅博客:

天使能够飞翔,是因为她把自己看得很轻。

阅读全文

《Chris Diary》(3)

She said, Chris, I cant find it, its not there anymore.

 

I felt so sour inside, there was a stream of pain, flowing into my heart, the kind of pain Ive never felt before. But all I could do was pretend I didnt care, and said, Can we go now?

 

I opened up my big black umbrella, she was just standing there, didnt want to leave yet, hoping there was still a chance. She said, You made up the story of you and that other girl didnt you? I know I frustrate you sometimes, but Ill change, cant we start over?”

 

I didnt say a word, just looked down and shook my head. After that we just kept on walking towards the train station, didnt say a word to each other.

 

Four years ago, the doctor said I had cancer, but it was found early, so it was still curable. Thinking that it was okay, I started living my normal life again, and even forgot about the cancer. I didnt think about the cancer again and did not go back to the doctor. Until a month ago, my stomach was hurting for two weeks straight, and the nightmare awakened me again. First I thought the pain would go away, but it grew stronger until to the point that I couldn’t take it anymore. I went back to the doctor and took an X-ray.

 

  她说:“克里斯,我找不到了,它不在了。”

 

  我心里感到一丝酸楚,有一阵疼痛涌上心头。这是一种我以前从未体味到的痛楚。但是,我所做的只是假装我并不在乎,我说:“我们现在可以走了吧?”

 

  我撑开我的黑色大雨伞,而她却还站在那里,还不想离开,希望还能有一点机会。她说:“你和那个女孩的故事,是你编的吧?我知道我有时候很让你泄气,但我会改的,我们能重新开始吗?”

 

  我没有说一句话,只是摇着头。之后,我们就一直朝火车站的方向走去,没有和对方说一句话。

 

  四年前,医生说我得了癌症,由于病情发现得早,所以仍有治愈的可能。我认为万事太平了,我就重新过我的平常生活,几乎将癌症的事情遗忘了。我没有再想癌症的事,也没有去看医生。可是一个月后,我的胃一直疼了两个星期,晚上噩梦又吓醒我。当初,我认为胃疼一阵就会没事的,可是疼得越来越厉害,我都不能忍受住了。我去看医生并拍了X片。

 

The picture came out and there was a big black spot, which proved the truth that I did not want to believe. I was at the most glittering part of my life, but it was coming to an end. I wanted myself and the people around me to go through the least pain possible, so I decided to commit suicide. But I couldn’t let people find out about my intentions, especially Susan, the person I love the most in this whole world, who still doesn’t know about the truth. Susan was still young, she shouldn’t have to go through this. So I made up some stories and lied to her. It was a cruel thing to do, and it broke her heart, but it was the fastest way to wipe out three years’ feelings. I didn’t have much time, because I would soon start to loose hair and she would find out eventually. But now I’m close to succeeding, this drama would soon be over. Thirty minutes more this would all come to an end, that was what I had in mind.

 

The train had stopped running so I called a taxi for her. We were just standing there, waiting, loosing our last moments in silence.

 

I saw the taxi from far away; I held my tears and said to her, Take care of yourself, take good care of yourself.

 

She didnt talk, just nodded lightly, and then opened up her misshaped umbrella and stepped out on the street. Out in the rain, we became two single life forms, one red, one black, so far away from each other. I opened the door for her and she got in, then I close the door that would separate me from her forever. I stood by the car, staring in the dark window, at the first love in my life, also the last one, walking out of my life.

 

  图片出来后发现有一个大的黑点,事实证明了一切,我都不敢相信。我正处人生中最辉煌的时期,可生命却走到了尽头。我想我要尽可能减少我和我身边的人的痛苦,于是我决定自杀,可我又不能让他们知道我的用意,特别是苏珊。苏珊还很年轻,她不能目睹这个,于是我就编故事骗她。这是很残忍的事情,让她伤心,可是这也是能掩盖三年感情的最简单方法。我的时间不多了,因为我很快就要散开头发,到时她就会发现事情的真相了。我几乎快要成功了,这出戏也将很快结束。我脑子里想的就是再多三十分钟就会结束。

 

  火车停下来了,我给她叫了辆出租车,可我们只是站在那里等待,最后陷入了沉默的状态。

  我看见远处的出租车,忍住眼泪对她说:“照顾好你自己,好好照顾你自己。”

 

她没有说话,只是轻轻地点下头,之后打开她那把变形的雨伞走向大路。在雨中,我们俩孤零零的,一个红色的,一个黑色的,彼此之间的距离是那么的遥远。我为她打开门,她走进去,我关上了门,一扇门把我们俩永远地分开了。我站在出租车的旁边,向那扇黑色的窗户望去。人生中的第一次恋爱,也是最后一次恋爱,却走出了我的生命。

发表于: 2010-01-27 12:33 | 全文(查看: 44) | 评论(0) | 本文地址 | 收藏 
标签: 人文  读书  

"《Chris Diary》(3)" 的评论: (共 0 条)

你对本文的评论:

登录后再作评论
Page was generated in 172 milliseconds